all the single(ton) ladies

Where my single(ton) ladies at?

Lately I have been pondering the differences when you’re a mom to multiples and when you have birthed one child at a time.  I am a realist, and my realist perspective is that I don’t care if you have one kid, multiples, two kids born back to back, or a football team… this shit is tough.  But in my more recent outings with the twinkies, I have had more than one moment where I’ve thought: “this is something only twin parents would understand.”

When a baby is born, they are equipped with some sort of magnetic force field that instantly draws the attention of little old ladies who want to kiss their feet and women with baby fever whose ovaries ping with excitement of seeing a new bundle roll by in a stroller.  I am guilty of this myself; the gazing of a tiny newborn in the aisle of the supermarket, asking “how old?” and commenting on how adorable they may be, possibly throwing around a funny face or two at the kid if he/she is a little more engaged.  I’ve done it.  And I’m sorry I’ve done it. Because take it from this mama who goes out and takes the whole circus show with her… when people stop/chat/ask questions … it’s ANNOYING.

Most times, I don’t mind answering people’s questions when I am out and about.  From the very beginning, we have brought the twins out with us to restaurants, the mall, etc.  I take them out solo a lot of the time too.  I never knew two tiny humans and me would be such an attention-grabber.  I’ve gotten used to the repetitive questions thrown out at me as I’m strolling through target, getting groceries, or walking to the park.  It comes with the territory.  I’ll even accept the unsolicited advice about feeding/clothing/raising kids from strangers.  I smile and nod, while using a few expletives in my head and move on.  Here are a few things I have encountered.

“Are they twins?” No, I just happened to stumble across an extra toddler somewhere in the parking lot. Yes, they are twins.

“A boy and a girl!” YAY, you didn’t think my daughter dressed in blue was a boy! Yes, I am very blessed.

“Are they identical?” I thought we just established one has a penis, and one doesn’t.  Do you know what identical means? And where did you get your education? No, boys and girls cannot be identical.

“Do twins run in your family?” ­– They do now. Nope, we were very surprised!

“Did you do fertility treatments?” When did my reproductive health become any of this stranger’s business? Nope, just lucky I guess!

“Is it a lot of work?” Awh, no not at all. I’m just wearing yesterday’s clothes, makeup and my hair hasn’t been washed in two days because I have so much free time to do other fun stuff. Oh yeah, we are very busy.

“You must have your hands full!” – BINGO! I’m holding both kids and you’re stopping to chat! I chuckle and shrug my shoulders.

These are just a few of the most common phrases I hear on any given day, in any given situation when I am out with the twins.  While I know I am guilty of exchanging words with singleton mamas in public, I cant for the life of me remember the last time I asked if their kid was a product of in-vitro or about their family history.

Some words of advice the next time you run in to a mama who’s wrangling two toddlers and you are curious: questions are usually welcome. However, I sincerely apologize in advance if I seem distracted when you tell me your cousin’s wife’s sister on her father’s side had twins somewhere down the line. I also apologize that I will in no way be able to empathize when you tell me that you “kind of know what its like to have twins because your kids were born 12 months apart.” And please, if you are ballsy enough to ask me about the way my twins were conceived when I’m bagging groceries with one kid in the shopping cart and another in a carrier on my chest, at least help me get the food in the bags and to my car!

I welcome other moms of multiples (and singletons) to weigh in! What’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened to/been said to you when out with your children?