Mama’s Sick

Greetings from ground zero. Sickness has hit this mama hard over the last two days. I begrudgingly have accepted hubby’s offer of taking on twin duty today so I can rest up so I’ve found myself with some unexpected time to update.

I’ve missed blog-land! I’ve had all of these planned posts about various things that have occurred over the last couple of months but we have been inundated with work, running our home and keeping the tiny humans alive.

There are no “days off” when you’re a parent. A huge part of me feels overwhelmingly guilty that hubby has to take on managing the twins on his own today. Logically, I can conceptualize that he is their father, and he can do everything their mama does for them. But I’m their mama. And just as mom’s don’t get days off, mom’s rarely get relief from ‘ mommy guilt. ‘ and the mommy guilt force is strong with this mama today.

These germs are unforgiving. It started with my sister, who also lives in this chaotic place with us. Then the twins started with some runny noses (i.e.: constant faucet of baby boogers) and much of the week was spent running around wiping little noses and trying to keep things as disinfected as possible (no easy feat when each kid wants to slobber all over the other’s belongings.) So when I started with a scratchy throat I chalked it up to catching whatever has been making its way around. Progressively, I began to feel worse…and worse…and worse until there was no denying. I’m sick. I don’t do “sick” well. I don’t do “having to take care of myself” well. I am not a good patient. On top of feeling like death, that small voice in my head becomes even louder kicking in the mommy guilt. Twin B is crying and wants to climb into bed with mommy and mommy can barely lift a head off the pillow. Twin A wants to nurse and mommy wants to crawl into a dark hole and accept the imminent death that’s welcome as long as this cough stops and her head stops pounding.

Reminders that I’m human are needed and sobering. I know my children aren’t going to be damaged long term because their mama spends the day in bed and not with them. I know that my husband is going to make it the best day for them and they will be well taken care of and happy. I know that unless I take care of myself, I’ll be useless to the twins. But it sucks and I still want to complain about it.

Aside from this mess, things have been very exciting. There have been many adventures had with the twinkies and we have a lot of fun things planned that are upcoming as well. I will be sure to update more about those things in the next couple of weeks. For now, though, I’m going to indulge in some ginger ale sipping and hard candy so that this mama can get better and get back to chasing the tiny humans. Until next time, take care of yourselves, mamas! Lower the volume on that voice spreading lies and making you feel sub-par. Let go of the mommy guilt-You’re doing an amazing job.